Recipes: Double chocolate espresso cookies with browned butter

Okay I know that title is a mouthful, but I swear to you it’s worth it. These are the most indulgent, addictive cookies I have ever eaten. They are rich and delightful and I would likely sacrifice a limb if that’s what was required to keep them in my life. I have been baking up a storm the last few months, but these are probably the most enjoyable to eat of anything I’ve made recently.

(Note that I got this recipe from FoodGal, who got it from Sarah Kieffer’s book 100 Cookies, and only made minor tweaks. All credit to them for the original recipe!)

Ingredients:

• 1.5 cups flour
• 1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder (please try to use fair trade if you can!)
• 2-3 tsp. ground espresso (I usually use a tablespoon and just don’t fill it all the way)
  • Note: I don’t drink coffee, so I don’t typically keep good beans on hand. If you do drink coffee, I’d recommend fresh grinding a quality roast for the best flavor. If you’re like me, then the best pre-ground, store-bought, actually-tastes-pretty-good one is Cafe Bustelo
• 1 tsp. baking powder
• 1/2 tsp. baking soda
• 10 tbsp. plus 4tbsp. butter, at room temp (you will be using these separately, so I recommend separating them while they’re still cold)
• 3/4 cup granulated sugar
• 3/4 cup brown sugar, lightly packed
• 1 tbsp. (plus a small splash) vanilla extract
• 3/4 tsp. salt
• 1 egg plus 1 egg yolk
• 5 oz. (about 1 cup) semisweet chocolate chips
  

Instructions:

1. Brown the butter:
   1. Put 10 tbsp. butter in a pan over a low to medium heat.
   2. Cook until there are caramel-colored pieces and it gives off a strong nutty aroma (it will likely have a foam on the top, which you can just stir to see through). (Pro tip: If you’re nervous about burning it, go low and slow. I usually do this and it takes ~10 minutes for the butter to brown. Also sorry the picture isn’t super clear haha.)
2. While butter is browning, whisk together flour, cocoa powder, espresso, baking powder, and baking soda in a separate bowl (aka not the one that your other 4 tbsp. of butter are in).
3. Once butter is browned, pour it into the bowl over the remaining 4 tbsp. of room temperature butter, and stir until it’s all melted and combined.
4. Mix in sugars and vanilla.
5. Mix in egg and yolk thoroughly. This isn’t one that you need to be afraid of overmixing.
6. Slowly mix in flour mixture until no dry spots are remaining, then mix in chocolate chips.
7. Roll dough into balls (about 2 tbsp. each), place in parchment paper-lined container, and refrigerate for at least 1 hour (I usually do a minimum of 2-3 hours). The dough will last several days in the fridge.
8. Preheat oven to 350°F, place cookies on baking sheet, and bake 9-11 minutes. (Pro tip: I only bake the amount I want for that night because these cookies are at their prime when fresh and warm from the oven. Trust me.)
9. Enjoy!

Costs about $7, makes about 20 cookies (6-7 servings).

This is my favorite dessert recipe right now, and I love how much it feels like a treat without being too much more complicated than normal chocolate chip cookies. It’s a perfect recipe to impress someone when enjoying a night in (that is, if you’re willing to share). Think of it like a sophisticated comfort food.

What have you been baking lately? Let me know in a comment below or on Twitter @ohgrowup. Thanks for reading, and happy adulting!

*Cost was again a real rough estimate because basically all of the ingredients are regularly stocked in most houses. Sorry if the cost is off, but the point is it definitely isn’t pricey.

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An honest talk

Let’s just cut to the chase: I have depression and anxiety.

I’ve dealt with both for years, and they’re freaking brutal. (Content warning for general descriptions of each. If you need immediate help, it’s available here.)

I’ve thought about writing this post dozens of times. I’ve tried at least four or five times. I’ve put it off because maybe it was too personal, or I wasn’t sure if I was ready to share that yet. It is personal, and I’m still not sure I’m ready, but I am sure that every person who is open makes it easier for someone else who might be struggling.

I was reluctant to name it as such for a long time, and had a long list of handy excuses. “This is probably just situational, if anything.” “It hasn’t been long enough to count.” “It isn’t bad enough to call it that.” “You’re just having a bad day/week/month/season.” “You’re just tired.” “You don’t have the qualifications to diagnose that.”

Saying it aloud or writing it down is a whole other level. What will people think? What if someone judges me? All of these are, unfortunately, real and valid concerns. But depression is just as real.

The first time I had a panic attack 7 years ago, I had no idea what was happening. It was utterly terrifying. The first season I faced real depression, I used to go outside and kneel in the grass in the middle of the night just hoping somehow that might make it better, might make it all hurt less.

I went to counseling sessions a couple of times at various low points, and it didn’t make it worse but also didn’t help much. I told myself I was surviving, and that if I’d made it through everything else then I could deal with these feelings too. I hesitated to give the names I suspected for what I was dealing with. After all, I’m not a doctor or mental health professional — who am I to self-diagnose?

And then 2020 happened. And a horribly stressful winter turned into a terrible, painful spring turned into a lonely, miserable summer. I spent a lot of time falling asleep early on the couch, or laying on the floor, or having to stop whatever normal thing I was doing because it was suddenly all too much, or there were awful thoughts going through my head. I’d been putting off setting up a new therapy situation first because making the phone call felt too daunting, then because we ended up in a freaking pandemic.

Until I didn’t.

I got set up with virtual therapy sessions in a blessedly simple system*, and for the first time was working with a therapist I actually liked, who actually got me. And dude, it’s been phenomenal. Nothing you do for your mental health — or with self-care in general — is a magic cure-all, and this is no exception. I still have to put in the time and develop the practices to make anything from a session helpful in my day-to-day life.

(Sidebar: I also want to note that I’m incredibly privileged in being able to afford therapy without much trouble, and am aware that’s not everyone’s situation. A lot of mental health professionals and services offer a sliding scale for payment, and your insurance or work may offer some coverage as well. Definitely use those resources.)

After several months of therapy and self-reflection as well as talking to my doctor, I decided to start taking medication to help with some of what I’d been dealing with. I was, like a lot of folks, apprehensive at first. I did a ton of looking into it. I talked with a few people I trusted for their perspective and experience. I questioned whether it was “bad enough” to warrant the step, and then realized that based on multiple years of consistently using the same assessment that doctors use, the results were pretty clear.

None of that made the nervousness go away of course. What did was the fact that within a few days of starting medication, I felt better than I had in months. Levels of difficulty I’d been so used to for years that I didn’t realize they could just ~not be there~ were mostly gone.

Again, nothing is a cure-all. I still have bad nights, bad days, even bad weeks.

Even with everything I’ve been doing to take care of my brain and body, I’ve still had panic attacks and breakdowns. But all of the resources and tools I’ve made use of have turned the difficult moments into hurdles, instead of waves pulling me under. Right now I’m actually doing the best I’ve been in a long time, but I’m not pressuring myself to make that permanent. That’s not how life works, and it’s certainly not how my brain works.

May is mental health awareness month. According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, 1 in 5 U.S. adults experienced mental illness in 2019 (2020 data hasn’t been released yet, but is likely to show an increase). Anxiety and depression were the most common, at 19% and 8% of U.S. adults, respectively. 17% of youth (ages 6 to 17) experience a mental disorder.** Mental health challenges — both temporary and chronic — are incredibly common.

If you’re interested in learning more or want to take a closer look at your own mental health, the National Alliance on Mental Illness and Mental Health America both offer great resources. I also did a blog post last year with some additional resources listed. Crisis resources and hotlines are available here.

Mental health is just as important as physical health, but can be much more difficult to discuss and uniquely challenging to navigate. I’m grateful to have had the ability to find better ways to care for mine, and know that each person who talks about it makes it easier for us all to be open, and to get help as well as care for each other.

If you’d like any more resources, let me know in a comment below or on Twitter @ohgrowup. Thanks for reading, and remember to take care of yourself.

*Not sponsored, but for those that want to know, I started doing therapy through BetterHelp but no longer do. I actually really enjoyed my experience, but it’s not for everyone. If you want more info feel free to contact me and I’d be happy to let you know what it was like for me.

**I only pulled from one source to make the numbers easy, but the numbers are supported by other studies, including Mental Health America and the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration.

(Photo is a free stock photo because writing this post was all I’ve got.)

Just getting by

Hey y’all. I know I haven’t made a post in a while. Admittedly, it’s not the top priority when it feels like the world is on fire and I’m just trying to feed myself and keep my head on straight.

I don’t know what tomorrow’s going to bring. Really, none of us do. But more stress and turmoil is almost guaranteed.

So today I just wanted to offer some things that can help when life feels like a lot, maybe even too much, to handle.

(If you haven’t voted yet, do that first! Resources here.)

Cover the basics

Have you slept enough? Have you eaten recently? Had a glass of water? Lowered your shoulders? Unclenched your jaw? It’s the little things, really.

Movies & TV

I have a list of comfort movies and TV that I watch when I need to just feel better. Some of my favorites are listed below, but of course there are treasure troves of streaming services out there.

• Favorite movies: The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, The Martian, Pride & Prejudice (2005), The Princess Diaries, The Devil Wears Prada, The Princess Bride
• Favorite TV: Schitt’s Creek, Brooklyn 99, The Good Place, Avatar: The Last Airbender, Friends

Reading, but make it escapism

I love reading, and usually try to challenge myself to mix in some serious and nonfiction reading between more popcorn fiction picks. But I was recently reading a short story collection that was, how shall we say, not helping. So I put it down for now and picked up a cute rom-com one of my best friends recommended instead. Read something that makes you happy 🙂

Do something with your hands

I go absolutely nuts if I don’t have something to do with my hands. Often that’s just fidgeting, but I also crochet and garden, and even cooking and baking help give my body and mind something to do so I don’t just spiral.

Move

If you can, go for a run, take a walk, or do some yoga — anything that gets your whole body moving and some endorphins flowing.

Breathe

I hate how often I forget this one. You can try a number of techniques, and I’ve found a few especially helpful

• Square breathing. Breathe in for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds, out for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds, repeat.
• Belly breathing. Breathe in deeply, filling your whole belly with air, then your chest. Exhale slowly, letting air leave your chest first, and finally your belly. Repeat.
• Literally just take 10 deep breaths (slowly).

Music

I put together this playlist to help when I’m feeling crappy, especially if I’m anxious. You might have your own playlist or album that you turn to, but there’s a lot of comfort to be found in a familiar melody.

I know all of this isn’t much to offer, but sometimes adulting is just getting by. What helps you out when life gets overwhelming? Let me know in a comment below or on Twitter @ohgrowup. Thanks for reading, and know that you’re not alone in this.

Photo is a free stock photo because, well, this is life right now.

Recipes: Mediterranean Salad

Yes, I’m back with yet another recipe. Honestly real life has been kicking my butt lately and this is the best I’ve got to offer for the time being.

Before we get started: In between feeding myself, one of the things that’s been most prominent on my mind is the upcoming U.S. election. It’s absolutely crucial that we all exercise our right to vote, and do so responsibly. For all kinds of info and resources, check out this post.

Now on to the food! The inspiration here was simple: I had ingredients I needed to use. Specifically, fresh organic tomatoes and cucumber from my best friend’s garden. I’ve also been trying to eat more lentils since they’re a great source of iron. Disclaimer: I was 100% winging it with this recipe and honestly didn’t even measure much of it. The good news is it’s a really forgiving recipe, so no need to fret about being exact.

Ingredients:

• 1.5 cups diced tomatoes
• 1 cup diced cucumber
• 1/2 cup green lentils*
• 1 cup couscous* (I had envisioned making this with pearl (Israeli) couscous, but the store was out so I used Moroccan couscous. I think both would work great!)
• Juice of 1 lemon
• Feta cheese (I think I used 1/4 cup, but it’s really as much as you want)
• Bay leaf (optional)
• Olive oil
• Ground allspice
• Garlic powder
• Salt & pepper to taste

* These measurements are for how much it is before cooking it! Both will enlarge once cooked

Instructions:

1. Dice your cucumber and tomatoes, and set aside. (Pro tip: If your cucumbers are at all bitter, cut off the ends and rub it in a circle on the portion you just cut it away from. A white foamy liquid will seep out, which has most of the bitterness. Wipe or rinse that off and you’re good to go!)
2. Rinse the lentils thoroughly in cold water (this helps prevent them from making you feel bloated), then add the 1/2 cup of lentils to a small pot with 1 cup of water.
   1. This is where you can add the optional bay leaf if you want! (I think it helps the flavor, but it’s no big if you don’t have it or forget.)
3. Bring lentils and water (and if using, bay leaf) to a boil, stirring occasionally. Once it reaches a boil, cover and reduce heat to a low simmer for 15-20 minutes. (Pro tip: The best way to know when the lentils are done is to try one. Better to have them be a little firm than to get mushy and mealy.)
4. In another small pot, boil 1 cup water and add a splash of olive oil (about 1tsp.) and a dash of salt.
5. Stir in the couscous, remove from the heat, and cover.
6. Let stand for about 5 minutes, then fluff (aka gently stir with a fork or spoon).
7. Move couscous into a large bowl, and mix in another tsp. or so of olive oil (to help it from clumping).
8. Strain lentils and rinse with cold water.
9. Mix lentils, then diced veggies into couscous.
10. Stir in lemon juice, then salt, pepper, a dash of garlic powder and about 1/4tsp. of allspice. (Pro tip: Go easy on the garlic powder, be liberal with the allspice. It’s the magic ingredient here.) Top or mix in as much feta as desired.
11. Serve and enjoy!

Costs about $8, makes about 6 servings (more if you’re only having it as a side dish and not a main course).

As always, the cost estimate is rough, especially depending on how inexpensively you can source the product (in my case, free). Also I’d intended to serve this cold, but the first time because the couscous was warm it was a bit warm and really nice that way as well! I’ve been keeping the leftovers in the fridge and eating it as an easy cold lunch.

What else would you like to see on the blog? Let me know in a comment below or on Twitter @ohgrowup. Thanks for reading, and good luck adulting!

P.S. Go vote!

Recipes: Casa Roma

Y’all this recipe is one of the few good things to come out of quarantine. Most of the recipes I’ve posted on here have been ones I’ve picked up elsewhere, but this one is an original. Early in the days of our everlasting stay-at-home order, my spouse and I were having fun experimenting with some new recipes, and one day, he wanted to freestyle it. This is the result, and it is no joke my favorite pasta recipe ever. (And that’s coming from someone who freaking loves pasta.)

The name is an homage to it being a sort of Italian-inspired meal, a house recipe, and the Roma tomatoes that become the key to its success. I hope you like it as much as we do!

Ingredients:

• 1lb. (1 box) linguine (as always, you can use other shapes, but this complements the sauce best)
• 1.5–2 cups finely diced onion (recommend white or yellow onion)
• 2 finely diced Roma tomatoes
• 5ish garlic cloves, crushed
• 5oz. pancetta (or more if you want! Small pancetta works best for it to get crunchy)
• 1 cup dry white wine (Pro tip: Pick something you also enjoy drinking since you’ll still have most of the bottle left!)
• 1/3 cup heavy whipping cream
• Olive oil
• 4tbsp. butter
• Salt, pepper, and red chili pepper flakes
• At least 1 cup fresh-grated Parmesan
• Thinly sliced fresh basil (technically this is optional, but honestly it shouldn’t be — I recommend ~2tbsp. per serving)

Instructions:

1. Chop onion and tomato (I usually cut the basil while the sauce is finishing up, but you can do it here as well).
2. Cook pancetta in olive oil (this can get smoky, so use that above-stove fan if you have it!)
3. Drain the oil out of the pancetta.
4. Melt the butter in a large saucepan.
5. Add in onion, then the pancetta, garlic, and spices (amount of seasoning is up to you, but I’d again recommend not skimping on the red chili pepper flakes to bring in some complexity).
6. Start boiling the water.
7. Once the onions are cooked — they should be translucent and giving off a nice aroma — add in the cup of wine (and pour a glass for yourself if you haven’t already).
8. Add pasta into pot of boiling water.
9. Simmer until the wine reduces by about half, then add in 1/3 cup heavy cream and diced tomatoes. (Pro tip: This step needs to cook for ~5 minutes to help the tomatoes break down and bring out their sweetness.)
10. Drain pasta, but reserve a small amount of pasta water. This is for adding into your sauce to help it stick to the pasta. We usually use just a splash, sometimes more if the sauce is runny.
11. Take the sauce off the heat and mix in about 1/3 cup of cheese, then mix in the pasta.
12. Add in basil, and top with more cheese as desired.
13. Serve and enjoy!

Costs about $20, makes makes 4–5 servings.

Heads up that the cost estimate is super rough since we typically have a lot of the ingredients on hand and the basil is always from my garden. Also note that I typically use wine that’s $3–$10 per bottle — you really don’t need anything expensive for cooking (like, ever) and Trader Joe’s has some delicious cheap options.

Just like the amatriciana recipe, this goes excellently with homemade sourdough. (You may notice a lot of ingredients and steps overlap between the two pasta recipes, but their flavor profiles end up totally different.)

What other recipes or topics would you like to see on the blog? Let me know in a comment below or on Twitter @ohgrowup! Thanks for reading, and happy adulting!

P.S. If you make this recipe, let me know how you liked it!

Recipes: Amatriciana

Welcome to your new favorite tomato sauce. Now that I finally remembered to take pictures, I have a new recipe for y’all! This is a slightly personalized version of a classic amatriciana, aka hearty pasta deliciousness.

Ingredients:

• 1lb. (1 box) fettucine (the wide noodles are ideal for the sauce, but you could use any noodle if you feel strongly. Except angel hair because that’s objectively the worst pasta shape.)
• 5oz. pancetta
• 1.5–2 cups finely diced onion (recommend white or yellow onion)
• 5–8 garlic cloves, crushed
• 1 28oz. can crushed tomatoes
• Olive oil 
• Salt, pepper, and red chili pepper flakes
• At least 1/2 cup fresh-grated Romano cheese
• At least 3/4 cup fresh-grated Parmesan cheese

Instructions:

1. Chop onion.
2. Cook pancetta in olive oil (~2tbsp. should be plenty). Note that this can get smoky, so use an above-stove fan if you have it!
3. Drain some of the oil out of the pancetta (don’t drain it all! You’ll want it to meld the flavors for the next step).
4. Move into a large saucepan, and add the onion, garlic, and spices (you may want to add a little more olive oil here as well). Pro tip: The amount of spices you use is a matter of taste, but I recommend not skimping on the red chili pepper flakes; they bring a needed complexity and a hint of heat to the final sauce.
5. Cook until onions are translucent, then add crushed tomatoes.
6. In a large pot, start boiling water for pasta.
7. Simmer the sauce for 20ish minutes, stirring occasionally (if you neglect the stirring, it will bubble and get tomato all around your stove area…)
8. Once water is boiling, cook the pasta.
9. Drain the pasta, but reserve a small amount of pasta water. This is for adding into your sauce to help it stick to the pasta. We usually use just a splash, sometimes up to 1/4 cup if the sauce is runny.
10. Take the sauce off the heat and mix in about 1/4 cup of cheese, then stir in the pasta. (The extra cheese is to top it off.)
11. Serve and enjoy!

Costs about $10, makes 4–5 servings.

Note that this recipe goes exceptionally well with a slice of fresh sourdough! This is a pretty straightforward recipe, and doesn’t take too long. My significant other and I love cooking it together, but it’s also simple enough that one could totally handle it solo. 

What other recipes would you like to see? Let me know in a comment below or on Twitter @ohgrowup! Thanks for reading, and happy adulting!

All the plants

I am reluctant to admit that I am a restless person. Even more so when I spent >23 hours inside my apartment every single day. But the one time each day that I am guaranteed a little sunshine and the fresh air that eases the tension out of my shoulders is when I am watering my plants.

I love plants. I love learning their names and watching them grow. I love taking care of things and feeling like I’ve accomplished something tangible. I love the lightness and comfort they bring to any space they’re in.

However, I do not have a natural green thumb. As a teen and college student I struggled to keep plants from floundering. So when I moved into my first apartment, I set a goal: Learn to not kill plants.

And I did great! Over a year and a half, a couple of plants struggled, but most stayed content and a few even flourished. I kept a small stand out on the patio and others on the bookshelf by the window. When I moved into my new place, I planned to set up a tiered planter with herbs, and got the plants settled on the new patio and inside the apartment.

Except then I killed like six plants in a row. Air plants! Pothos! ZZ! All the plants that are supposed to be nigh impossible to kill. And it turns out, the inside of my apartment is apparently where plants come to die. Suffice it to say I was really disheartened. I’d worked diligently on getting better at caring for plants and then over the course of several months, I. Kept. On. Killing. Them. All the ones outside seemed to be doing well, but as near as I’ve been able to determine, most of my apartment is so low light that even the “low light” friendly plants will give up and die. Which means my patio has now become the garden. In the interest of saving money and also getting more plants(!) I’ve recently started propagating some basics as well: succulents, spider plants, and pothos. The new journey I just started is creating a large planter to grow tomatoes in (companion planted with some basil), because as much as I like pretty plants, I love being able to eat things I grew!

I’m still definitely a novice, but having something physical and really tangible to care for is so good for me. Since lots of folks are taking time to upgrade their green thumbs as well, I’ve included some tips that I’ve found helpful (or learned the hard way) as well as links to a few Instagram accounts by Black plant enthusiasts that I’ve really been enjoying lately.

What not to do:

• Buy a plant you have zero idea how to take care of. I have done this, and on occasion I’ve gotten lucky and the plant has done well, but it’s a huge risk. Instead, do some online research before purchasing and/or ask for info about the plant from someone at your local nursery.
• Overwatering. I’m determined this is the fastest way to kill a plant. And I suck at not doing it because I just want to smother the dang things with love. But seriously, it will kill them. Root rot in particular is super hard to come back from. For most plants (especially beginner plants), wait until you can dig your finger into the soil a little and it’s dry to water, then water thoroughly.
• Ignore when your plant is trying to tell you something. They’re living creatures, and they’re more lively than we usually give them credit for. Plants will stretch if they need more sun, can burn or wither if they get too much sun, and will droop when they need water, then perk up when they’ve gotten it. If you’re noticing odd behavior in your plant, check the basics and then look it up!
• Neglect pruning. I’m still learning this one, but if your plant has some dead or super damaged leaves, get rid of them! If they come off when you gently pull you can prune that way, or get a pair of sharp scissors/shears and trim.
  • You can also revive plants this way sometimes! I have a polka-dot plant that was hardcore struggling, so I just cut all the leggy stalks down to little nubs and now it’s grown so many new leaves and flourished!
• Skip drainage holes. Lots of the pretty pots available don’t have good drainage, and that’s an easy way to drown your plant, or promote pests and rot. The best ways around this are to 1) buy a pot with appropriate drainage, 2) drill drainage holes, or 3) keep the plant in a properly drained pot for watering and then set that pot into another pretty pot for the rest of the time.
• Repot until you need to. Every time a plant moves areas or is repotted, it can be shocked and needs time to adjust. Try to let a plant adjust to its new home when you purchase it before repotting, and only repot when the plant has gotten too big for its current pot or if there’s an issue with the soil (I had to repot one recently because I’d overwatered and didn’t want the roots to rot).

What to actually do:

• Research your plants. Not everything that says it’s easy is actually easy, depending on both your experience and your setting. Learn what areas of your home have what kinds of light, pay attention to the temperature and humidity, and choose plants that are well-suited for the environment you’ll be brining them into. Also shop local whenever you can, not only to support local businesses, but because folks at local nurseries will know what grows well in your area!
  • YouTube is also an excellent place to learn about plant info and care!
  • Black plant enthusiasts whose Instagram accounts I’ve loved:
    • @plantkween
    • @grownbyliz._
    • @thequeer_jungalow
    • @soulsistaplants
    • @blackgirlgreenworld
    • @eargardn
  • Some good topics to look into if you’re expanding your plant knowledge:
    • Propagating
    • Seasonal planting
    • Companion planting
• Water in the morning. This isn’t crucial, but most plants prefer it as it lets them soak up what they need before the sun is at its strongest.
• Get the right tools. My little garden doesn’t need much, but I’ve found that the following are indispensable:
  • Watering can and spray bottle
  • Small, sharp pruning shears
  • Something to kneel on while you work (I use a folded beach towel, but you can also get a gardening mat)
  • Pest deterrents. I occasionally buy ladybugs, and frequently use an organic Neem Oil spray to discourage pests
  • Rubber-tipped bamboo gloves
  • A set of plastic bowls for moving soil around as I repot
  • Spare pots (they’re really handy! And save those nursery ones you move plants out of!)

• Start with plants you can handle. My favorite starters are spider plants and pothos, but these are the types of plants I currently have:
  • Succulents (including aloe vera, burro’s tail, and lots of others I can’t name)
  • Pothos (one of my favorites to propagate)
  • Spider plants. I literally don’t think I’ve ever killed one, which is saying something.
  • Marimo moss ball. This is the tank of “plants” (it’s technically an algae), though it’s not very exciting.
  • Polka-dot plant
  • Snake plant
  • Herbs, including:
    • Mint
    • Basil
    • Oregano
    • Rosemary
  • Spinach**
  • Green beans**
  • Tomatoes*
  • Marigolds**
  • Note: For all the ones with an asterisk (*), these are new and very young so I’m still getting my footing in terms of caring for them. The ones with two asterisks I planted from seed.

My main garden area

My new tomato planter

• Shop around for good prices. A little research on good plant shops and average prices for certain plants will go a long way — you don’t want to pay more than you have to! (@grownbyliz._ has an affordable plant shop as well as good info on other affordable places.) I buy my basil every year from Trader Joe’s for like $4, and local nurseries can often have some good deals!
• Move plants around as needed. I’ve reorganized the garden a couple of times in the last few months because things were getting too much or not enough light, and that can often
• Be willing to experiment. I tried to grow garlic in one of my planter boxes a while ago and it shot up before immediately dying. Oh well! Especially if you’re trying with inexpensive plants, it’s okay to take a few risks.
• Be okay if a plant dies. I’ve killed a number of plants in the last year, and honestly it just happens sometimes. Some plants also won’t last forever! Basil is the kind of plant that typically won’t last through the winter, so I just go into each year knowing I’ll need to buy more the following spring.

Also a necessary shoutout to my best friend Megan, for enabling my plant journey, always giving me tips (including the accounts I recommended above), and also giving me plants haha.

What plants do you love? Any questions about caring for plants or gardening for beginners? Let me know in a comment below or on Twitter @ohgrowup! Thanks for reading, and happy adulting!

Anti-racism

There was no post last week because all the pain out in the open has been a lot to process lately, and sometimes breaks are needed to rest and recover. But I also cannot in good conscience remain silent about the effects of racism on the country I live in.

This is beyond ridiculous. Black lives matter. Absolutely no person should have to fear for their safety or their life by simply existing. Period. The number of Black people in the United States who have been unjustly killed by police and by white people in the last few months alone should make anyone furious, let alone the long list of those whose names we know — and whose names we don’t — before this.

I want to make it clear that I don’t condone violence. But it is entirely justified to be angry. We should be angry. And the nature of racism and other injustices mean that power will not be handed down to those who are hurting. Direct action is necessary, or we will continue to have more years and decades of the same suffering that we have already allowed to go on for far too long.

I grew up with a lot of privileges, including living in a situation where I didn’t really have to confront this reality unless I wanted to. Part of that is the area I grew up in (which is a whole other conversation on systemic furtherance of injustice), and part of it is because of the color of my skin. I’m biracial and white-passing, and am still learning the depth of what it means to be Black in this country.

I’m no expert. It is very pointedly not my place, both because I still have so much to learn and because it matters deeply that those of us with privilege in a given area elevate the voices of those who are experiencing the issue, not speak over them.

So to that end, below is a list of resources that more qualified folks than me have shared on what you can do to become more aware and educated on the reality of racism in America*, and how to take action. Please note that I haven’t read and/or engaged with all of these materials, but will indicate the ones which I have. If you’re not Black and this isn’t your experience — and especially if you’re white — much of this could be difficult to take in. It has been for me. Don’t be surprised if you find yourself experiencing lots of different emotions as you engage with these works. I encourage you to take time to examine what you’re feeling and why, then keep learning.

Learning resources**

What is anti-racism?

It is acknowledging that racism exists as more than a personal feeling, and committing to continually learning, growing, and fighting injustice. The National Museum of African American History & Culture has an excellent short breakdown of anti-racism and different ways that racism is implemented and perpetuated.

It’s also important to know that anti-racism and all efforts for justice and progress should be a continual part of our lives. This isn’t something that ends once the news cycle moves on or once it’s no longer popular.

Reading

• “Letter from a Birmingham Jail” by Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. [have read]
  • There is no time when this letter is not poignant, and I recommend it as a starting point. Dr. King’s legacy is one of nonviolence but also direct action, and his words here are exceptionally clear on the impact of “moderate” stances
• Strength to Love by Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. [have read]
• Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates [have read]
• “An Anti-Racism Reading List” compiled by Dr. Ibram X. Kendi, author of How To Be An Antiracist
• The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas [have read]
  • I recommend this over the movie, though the movie is also good
• I’m Still Here: Black Dignity in a World Made for Whiteness by Austin Channing Brown
• I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Dr. Maya Angelou [have read]
• Americanah by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie [have read]
• I Bring the Voices of My People by Dr. Chanequa Walker-Barnes [currently reading]
• Native by Kaitlin Curtice
• Note: Books aren’t linked this time, because right now it would be stellar if you purchased from your local independent bookstore. Here’s how to find an indie bookstore near you, and a list of Black-owned bookstores.

Listening

• “The Danger of a Single Story” TED Talk by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie [have listened]
• The Liturgists podcast has done a number of helpful episodes:
  • “Black and White: Racism in America” [have listened]
    • I really, really recommend this one. It’s from 2016 and I first listened to it in 2018, but it’s every bit as relevant today
  • “Anti-Racism with Andre Henry” [have listened] — more of Andre’s work is linked in the section below
  • For the whole month of February this year, they offered daily mini episodes on how Black history is American history. They’re accessible, and offer some great discussion and reflection [have listened]
• Code Switch podcast from NPR
• “The Problem with Racial Colorblindness” TEDx Talk by Phil Mazzocco
  • This is a clear, digestible explanation of why saying things like “we’re all just human” or “race doesn’t matter” aren’t helpful. I strongly recommend this one if those phrases resonated with you

Compilations

• This public Google Doc, titled “Anti-Racism for Beginners,” has a really thorough list of resources that are accessible at a variety of levels
• “Anti-racism resources for white people” is another public Google Doc with accessible info
• “White Homework” by Tori Williams Douglass
  • This page also includes a list of other resources; I recommend looking at all of them
• “Hope & Hard Pills” is a series (including a weekly email newsletter and a podcast) by Andre Henry

Part of being an adult means not avoiding difficult topics, and it means not being passive toward injustice. This is not a journey we ever reach the end of, but it is one that we all have an obligation to work toward. Let’s do the work.

If you want to do something

• Commit to continually educating yourself on perspectives that are different from your own, and to studying the history of how so many of the realities we see today came to exist.
• Visit blacklivesmatters.carrd.co to sign petitions, donate to organizations and funds, learn more, and contact local government to urge them to effect change.
• Amplify Black voices and other marginalized voices when they are speaking about the experiences and urging change. Repost, share, support. This is a time to center the people who the movement is about, not ourselves.
• Other people have poured so much effort and caring into creating the resources that we are able to learn from. If you learn from someone’s efforts — especially in a time like this — see if you can tangibly thank them in some way, whether that’s through Venmo, Patreon, purchasing and/or promoting their work.
  • (Note that this does not apply to me! If you learned something from this post, I’m so glad; please direct your gratitude toward one of the funds linked in the bullet point above.)
• Please keep in mind that no one owes you their time or attention, especially folks you don’t have a close relationship with. Learn to gently accept that.
• If you notice any instance in which someone is threatening or harming someone, using slurs or exhibiting racist (or sexist, homophobic, transphobic, xenophobic, etc.) behavior, do something. Often calling out the behavior or engaging in a way that (nonviolently) draws the offending person’s attention away from the person they were targeting can get them to stop or go away, but sometimes it’s not enough. If necessary, do what you can to (with their permission) get the person being harmed and yourself away from the threat.
• Protesting can be dangerous given the outbreaks of violence from multiple sources and the fact we are still in the middle of a global pandemic of a highly transmissible virus. I also recognize that my ability to stay safe at home is itself a privilege not everyone has. So if either you must go out or feel compelled to join protests, here are some resources on staying safe:
  • FOLLOW CDC GUIDELINES. Mask, hand sanitizer, minimize contact with other people. Please, please, we have lost way too many lives already.
  • Tell someone you trust where you are, try to never be alone, and have the proper supplies.
  • Do your research where community-led (especially Black and/or POC-led) organizations are peacefully protesting, and follow their lead rather than fringe organizations. Know when the curfew is and have a plan to be safely inside well before that time passes.
  • More resources can be found here.
• The King Center (led by Dr. Bernice King, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s daughter) is hosting a daily online protest at 7 p.m. ET/4 p.m. PT through Monday, June 8. It’s an opportunity to participate and to learn, and the recordings of each one are available to watch afterward.

An immeasurable thank you to the people who created the works and resources I’ve linked, and who have taken the time and effort to teach me. It’s time to keep learning, and for us as a country to grow up. We need to do better.

If there were any resources I missed or you have questions, please let me know in a comment below or on Twitter @ohgrowup. May we each open our eyes and our ears and get our hands in the dirt so that we can all have a better future.

 

 

P.S. This is the post for this week, but I will be continuing to share more resources I come across on Twitter @ohgrowup.

* This post is very United States-centric, only because that is the country I live in and which I have enough knowledge to speak to. However, racism is absolutely not only a U.S. problem. Genocide and policy brutality is not only a U.S. problem. Systemic injustice and casual prejudice is not only a U.S. problem. We’ll only truly solve these issues together.

** Note that these resources mostly focus on anti-Black racism, but that is by no means the only form of racism that exists, though it does have a unique history within the United States. Native American and indigenous peoples, Latinx folks, Asian Americans, and countless immigrants have also faced prejudice and injustice in many forms. Some of the compilations linked above address these demographics as well.

EDITS: Updated Thursday, June 4 with additional resources, noting works I have engaged with since the original posting, small edits to decenter my perspective, and the reminder that this work does not end. Updated again Friday, August 28 with additional resources and updated works I have engaged with.

The unicorn skill

Work has been absolutely grueling recently. A short staff and big upcoming deadlines have meant that I’ve been getting into the office at 6 a.m., working weekends, and falling asleep on the couch right after dinner. That has also been the primary reason that blog posts haven’t been regular (sorry!).

Because my job has been a trial by fire, I’ve also had a crash course in imposter syndrome and a chance to hone my skill of being able to quickly make up for resources I don’t have.

Enter the unicorn skill. I now act as the team lead for a small number of colleagues, and am part of the interview process to fill more positions. If there is one thing that I dearly want to improve myself and see fellow emerging adults improve at, it is the ability to figure sh*t out.

I have long since given up counting how many problems or questions I face per day that I don’t know the answer to. Sometimes it’s helping a coworker with a task, sometimes it’s diving into an assignment with minimal training, sometimes it’s digging up resources on topics that aren’t clear.

The trick is that there is no way to ever completely master this skill, but it is crucial to succeeding both in many professional roles and when figuring out this whole adulting thing.

Know what you don’t know. There is no such thing as being overprepared; however, you will much more often find yourself accidentally underprepared. If that underpreparedness is your fault, figure out how to fix it for next time, but sometimes there is nothing you can do to avoid it. If you can identify the key elements of the problem that you don’t know/have, then you’ll know exactly what to look for.

Own what you do know. What do you already know about the topic or task? Is it similar to something you’ve encountered before? Don’t sell yourself short when it comes to experience. For example, I just wrapped up a project at work updating a big product catalog. It wasn’t something I had done before in this capacity, but having spent most of high school and college doing yearbook and then student journalism, I knew the bones of the process were the same. I knew how to work backwards from a deadline, brushed off some InDesign skills, and made it happen. Anything you’ve done in the past that you think could help probably will.

Dig first, and dig well. Google is your friend, as are any other resources at your disposal. When I’m asked a question I don’t have the answer for at work, I go digging — through our files and management systems, through emails, through our website, and then through some thoughtful keyword Google searches. Often, I find the answer within a few minutes. Even if I don’t, I usually get more information or a clearer picture of what’s missing.

I cannot tell you how many times someone has messaged me a question, and then figured it out on their own before I’m able to respond a couple minutes later (of course, I’ve done the same too many times). The moral: don’t. Learn how to use what’s at your disposal to help you when the answer isn’t obvious.

On the other hand, know when it’s time to ask for help. There comes a time when you’re wasting your time by continuing to search alone if someone else could either 1) provide the answer, or 2) assist you in the search. Once you’ve done the legwork to make asking for help as useful and easy as possible for the person you’re asking, being able to ask is important. It’s not an admission of failure or incompetence to ask someone with more expertise or resources for support.

We’re all in the same boat. Figuring things out on the fly is a skill that I think we all need, and which most of us are forced to develop at some point. Remember that it’s always someone’s first rodeo, and it’s likely that anyone you’re working with also wants a good outcome from the task. Imposter syndrome has a habit of making you feel like you’re the only one who is underprepared, and everyone else has it all figured out, when that is a bold-faced lie. None of the rest of us know what we’re doing either — we’re just working on knowing a little more some of the time.

What’s your favorite tool when you feel underprepared? Let me know in a comment below or on Twitter @ohgrowup! Thanks for reading, and good luck adulting.

(Photo is a free stock photo because I’m busy, y’all.)

Beat the heat

I live in California, and in case you don’t live here (and haven’t been hearing us complain), it’s been rather warm lately.

I’m not stranger to hot temps — like my high school graduation legit got cancelled halfway through because it was too hot — but that doesn’t mean I like it. I’m also prone to heat stroke, so staying cool has higher stakes than avoiding sweat stains.

On a hot day in my old apartment, we’d just turn on the A/C to a manageable (read: affordable) temperature, and hope for the best. But my new place doesn’t have A/C, so I was a little nervous going into this heat wave. A bit of luck: My place is downstairs and really well-insulated, so it has a few advantages in terms of staying cool.

But emerging adulthood is about learning to take care of ourselves, often without all the resources we had growing up. So just in case you’re stuck in a summer heat wave, here are the things I’ve found most helpful when it comes to avoiding high temps.

Indooooooors (cue SpongeBob meme):

• Close all your blinds, and keep them that way while the sun’s out. This isn’t my favorite if the weather’s nice because I don’t want to feel like I’m in a cave, but sunlight streaming in through windows is the fastest way to heat up a home, and makes it hard to get it cool again.
• At night, open up. As soon as the temp outside drops below what it’s at inside, open up windows and shoot for a cross-breeze (if it’s stuffy in your place you can also open up when it’s a couple degrees warmer outside — the fresh air will be more noticeable than those few degrees). If it’s safe, you can leave the windows open overnight and close them as soon as you wake up.
• Level up your fan. Fans are great, we know this. But if you don’t have A/C and are truly desperate, go to the store and buy a solid block of ice for a few bucks (or make one if your freezer has space). Plop it in a small plastic tub and put it in front of the fan. Hello, homemade A/C.
• Turn off stuff that heats up the air. Logical, I know. But avoiding hot showers, running the oven, or even too much tech can help keep indoor temps from rising too quickly.

Outdoors:

• That same fan thing, if you’ve got an outlet. Seriously, don’t knock it. (Misters are also great!)
• Spend as much time in the shade as you do in the sun. And try to alternate time in shade vs. sun, as well as moving vs. being more still.
• Wear loose clothes and light colors. They absorb less light, and touch you less. Cool? Cool.
• Go swimming. But you knew this one.
• Or you could just, y’know, go inside.

Your body is a heat source:

• Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate. This is seriously the best way to avoid heat stroke and generally overheating. If you can hack it, go for cool water instead of cold because then your body won’t expend energy heating it up (and therefore heating you up).
• Sit down. Not kidding. Even the energy that your body spends balancing, tensing muscles, etc. when you’re standing up is not helping the situation. And if you’re at all overheated, feeling lightheaded, or sick, sit immediately and tell a friend. More info on that here.
• Splash water. Note that doing this on your face, neck, wrists, and ankles will be especially cooling as the water evaporates and air moves over your skin.
• If you can’t minimize clothing, get your clothes wet. Obviously only some circumstances allow for this, but it will help cool you off so quickly, especially since most clothes dry much more slowly than we do.

How do you keep the summer heat at bay? Let me know in a comment below, or on Twitter @ohgrowup! Thanks for reading, and good luck adulting!

(Photo is a free stock photo because I am not going outside right now to get that pic.)